From time to time, the Before The Cyborgs staff comes together to answer questions relating to the current events of that particular week. A year ago on Superbowl Sunday. Netflix released Cloverfield: Paradox out of nowhere. So this week we ask: What’s something completely out of the blue you’d like to see announced or released during the Superbowl this Sunday?
It has been over five years since we’ve seen anything from Spike Jonze. The director who last dazzled us with 2013’s Her has been keeping busy directing music videos and commercials in the intervening years but I think it is time for him to return to feature films. Netflix has been announcing themselves as a major studio collaborating with filmmakers both old and new to produce a number of excellent passion projects (most notably Roma – touted to be a major contender for Best Picture later this month). A partnership between Jonze and the streaming giant seems like an ideal match as Jonze is known for emotionally affecting thought-provoking films that while critically acclaimed have not always been box office hits. Meanwhile, Netflix adds another renowned filmmaker to its resume that already includes Alfonso Cuaron, Orson Welles, The Coen Brothers and soon Martin Scorsese.
Picture this: We open to a wide angle closeup of a bee landing on a flower before the flower gets clipped by a pair of scissors. We pull out to see the man holding those scissors is a sombre looking man (Joseph Gordon Levitt). A montage of his day to day life maintaining this garden – it’s beautiful featuring plenty of shots of specks of dust and blades of grass floating through empty space. That image is contrasted by the man staring out a glass window at the ruins of a futuristic city. Then one day, unexpectedly a woman (St. Vincent or maybe Rooney Mara) appears seemingly out of nowhere. They smile at one another. Cut to title card: EDEN followed by WRITTEN & DIRECTED BY SPIKE JONZE and finally AVAILABLE NOW ONLY ON NETFLIX.
There is no part of me that actually has any affection for Sonic the Hedgehog as a character or as a franchise. However, since the release of that first teaser poster for the live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie, which only revealed Sonic’s oddly muscular and human-like legs, the internet has been in an uproar over what the rest of this monstrosity’s body could possibly look like in full. What does his torso look like? What do his arms look like? What does his ungodly face even look like? Not only are we left questioning what he will look like just in still images, but what will he look like in motion, and what will his voice even sound like? All of these questions have left us wondering what exactly they’re trying to hide since nothing new has been released since then. While initially jarring, even the live-action versions of other beloved furry video game mascots from the upcoming Pokémon: Detective Pikachu film have been met with widespread adoration. This only increases the agitation of how potentially horrendous this character could look if they’re still unwilling to reveal more, even within the midst of excitement for other similar properties.
Imagine being somewhere in the middle of the second or third quarter of the game, a couple of beers in, feeling a little bit not sober, and a new commercial starts. Some establishing shots of a gritty, crime-ridden city, cut to a high-speed car chase between cops and a gang of robbers. The thieves think that they’ve given the coppers the slip when they notice some blurry, indistinguishable blue dash of light following alongside their vehicle. And who else could it be, but Sonic the Hedgehog. “Looks like you guys were too slow,” Sonic remarks after he knocks their car off the road. Not only will the shocking whiplash of seeing a weird, anthropomorphic cartoon animal popping up in what you thought was a gritty, violent cop thriller be enough to catch you off guard, but the added factor of it being Sonic, and finally seeing what the live-action version of him looks like in motion after months of speculation, would bring about cheers, applause, and laughter, in an almost entirely ironic sense, yes, but it would still be a moment that would bring the house down at any Super Bowl party.
The announcement from Walt Disney Studios of a return to hand-drawn animation.
Following the release of Frozen 2, Disney announces their next feature film project to be a return to hand-drawn animation. There is obviously no chance at all of something like this happening, but in an ideal world where anything can happen, this return to the medium that started it all, would be more than a moment of celebration, but of true joy.
Fresh off the news of executive producer Steven Soderbergh claiming Bill & Ted Face the Music, a third adventure starring everyone’s favorite dimwitted rock stars, may be finally hitting theaters as early as this December, it’d be quite a pleasant surprise to see Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Theodore “Ted” Logan make an appearance during The Big Game. Alongside the likes of Avengers: Endgame or Fast and Furious spinoff Hobbs & Shaw, a teaser for Bill & Ted Face the Music might seem a bit low profile, and a Super Bowl spot may not target the prime demographic for the movie, but with the Super Bowl constantly featuring throwbacks to old properties – the infamous Crocodile Dundee misdirection from 2018, and Jeff Bridges reprising his role as The Dude for a commercial spot this year – an appearance by Wyld Stallyns may not be so far fetched after all. Good Keep it simple – focus less on the plot we can expect from the movie and more on the big return of Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, throw in some references to the adventures from 30 years ago, all overlaid with an appropriate hard rock soundtrack – and you have a most-excellent Super Bowl surprise.
I’m going with a much sillier idea than my colleagues, something that absolutely will not and cannot happen. But, wouldn’t it be great if it did? I can picture it now: it’s the halftime show. Adam Levine is performing. It sucks. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, Stanley Kubrick walks on stage. He looks pretty good for a man who has been dead for 10 years. He announces that he been charged with a heavenly mission to make one final film. The crowd goes wild. Adam Levine tries to perform, but he’s booed off the stage.
I’m usually not one for looking back into the past. We don’t need Kubrick back, we have masterful filmmakers of our own time. But, I’m curious what he would have thought of the contemporary era, and how his work would adapt to it. How would have responded to 9/11, the Iraq War, Obama, the 2016 election? So, that’s what I’d like to see. It’s probably also the only thing that could get me to actually watch the game.
What would you like to see revealed at the big game? Let us know on social media or email.